TR:24

Chapter 24:  Bumpkins

The motorcycle screamed down the dirt hill and out of the woods, a blue contrail of dissipating ionized particles in its wake. It intersected on to a freeway and Brian opened the throttle, the near-silent purr of the Glo engine hardly straining against the forced acceleration. Kade looked back over his shoulder at the forest, a plume of smoke, now distant, climbing every so slowly into the air. There were so many unanswered questions that it would have been maddening were he not overburdened by fatigue and a growing preoccupation with getting back home. Sensing his friend’s apprehension, Brian spoke over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry.” He yelled over the hum of the engine and the whirring of the air zipping past them. “I’m sure you’ll never have to see that place again.”

Kade’s mind drifted upon the menagerie of horrors that he had experienced: falling from a mountain, a shape-shifting creature like something out of a nightmare, not to mention a blade-wielding lizard as large as a department store, to name a few. Kade hoped Brian was right.

Brian laughed, his hair blowing in his face. “I guess it’s fair to say that I probably won’t either, considering I don’t have a job there anymore.”

Kade looked over and watched the country side go by. Cows grazed in the fields and an occasional horse raised its head at the sound of the motorcycle. The freeway was completely empty save some road kill on the shoulder every now and then.

“Where is everyone?” Kade shouted.

“What do you mean?” Brian yelled back.

“I mean, where are all the cars? Don’t people drive out here?”

Brian laughed. “Man, you have no idea where you are, do you?”

As stupid as it sounded, Kade didn’t have any idea where he was. After his fall from the mountain, all his memories seemed to fall with him. He knew he was still on Atlandia, which wasn’t really much of a start considering it was a continent, but beyond that he had no other information. Close to home, he hoped.

“You are out in the middle of nowhere, my friend. People only come out here for the scenery and the smell of manure.” Brian said.

“Why did they build the gym way out here then?” Kade asked.

Brian geared down as the road took a steep drop.

“Boxing is frowned upon in the cities. At least here it is. I hear that in the west—Kaine I mean—it’s still common. That crazy emperor guy kind of gave fighting a bad name. Well, pretty much anything violent, now that I think about it. The way he treats his people…it’s no wonder there’s so much war and all that. Some crazy system called Mendo. I don’t know much about it but it’s like some kind of code everyone is forced to live by. Or die by, in many cases. Anyway, they passed a law a long time ago—I don’t know how long, like a couple hundred years maybe—and the law basically made it illegal for anything unproductive to be in society. It’s called, uh…secular, uh…lemme think…”

“Secular functionism…no, that’s not it. Functionalism. Yeah, secular functionalism. It’s a big fancy word for a bill that doesn’t allow anything un-secular in the cities.”

“What does that mean?” Kade asked.

Brian shrugged. “Beats me. I’m no politician. All I know is that after it passed they basically booted out all the religious people along with any other groups that made it harder to be productive. At least that’s what they say.”

Kade couldn’t see the reasoning behind the idea. “How does boxing make people unproductive?”

“I asked myself the same thing. Apparently, there is ‘mountains of evidence’ that shows that watching violent sports and things like that make people want to be more violent. Violent people don’t work as hard, I guess. Bunch of crap if you ask me. But hey, I’m biased.”

“So that’s why they built the gym way out here? Because there was nowhere else to build it?” Kade asked.

“I guess so. I was told that what we did wasn’t illegal, so long as we didn’t involve city people. That’s the crux of it anyway. ‘Believe what you want, but do it outside.’ I remember that being a slogan somewhere.”

“That’s really bizarre that they would think that way. Only humans would try to control the minds of others. That’s why I prefer to work with machines.”

“Ironically enough, they got the idea from machines.”

“ What machines?”

“The ones out in the desert there. You know, those guys that live in the Wastelands, just above Syrdia.”

Kade didn’t respond.

“Wait, are you serious? You haven’t heard about them?”

“I uh…guess I don’t get out much.”

“Man! I’m no history buff but that’s like standard protocol knowledge right there. There’s some serious crazy out in that desert. Story goes, they are descendants of the first machines. And I’m not talking about your average mech here; I mean true, blue, AI. I guess, the first couple years were a kind of honeymoon period, and everything was going fine. But then something happened, and it must have been something bad. They say there was a war, like nothing the cren had ever seen. They got completely wiped out, didn’t stand a chance. Their machines were perfect. Too perfect. But in a last-ditch effort, the humans found a weakness and they exploited it, turning the war around. But it wasn’t enough. The machines got control of the nuclear codes and…well, that’s why it’s called the Wastelands now. Pretty much everything past Cabray’s Teeth is so damned irradiated, anyone without proper gear ends up either dead from cancer or growing new limbs.”

“So wait… the Wastelands used to not be…a wastelands? ‘Cause it was nuked?”

“That’s what they say. Keep in mind that was almost five hundred years ago, so things get lost in translation. Either way, that wasn’t the end of the machines. They went AWOL for a while—no one really knows where—and then suddenly, like a pop-up restaurant, this crazy city just appears in the middle of the desert. Almost overnight. They say it’s a utopia. A perfect society. Though a place without any sporting events sounds pretty dull to me…”

Kade imagined what a robot metropolis, far away from everything in the middle of the desert, would be like. His imagination conjured up both scary and exciting things, though he couldn’t quite convince himself it was something he would ever want to see. They drove on in silence for a time, nothing but the sound of the motorcycle engine, the wheels against the road and the occasional hawk or merlin screeching from above.

“So Brian, just out of curiosity, how far exactly is it to my town?”

Brian wiped a bug off his face. “To Hollow? That’s on the eastern sea board, right?”

“Yeah. The closest big town would be, um…Rebelem I think. But that’s further than I’ve ever been. I think I heard once it’s like ten hours by transport.”

Brian nodded. “Well we’re quite a bit inland right now. I’d say maybe… two, three days drive minimum.”

Kade’s heart sank. That meant that no matter how fast they went in that direction, he wouldn’t be home for a couple of days. How did he get so far from home so fast? It didn’t make any sense. He had never heard of anyone falling from a mountain and ending up hundreds of leaves from home. As if sensing the tense energy behind him, Brian reached down and patted Kade’s leg.

“Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll make sure you get home in one piece. It’s the least I can do after all the crap you have pulled me out of.”

Kade didn’t know what ‘crap’ he meant. He felt that it was the other way around.

“No. You really don’t owe me anything. I think that we pulled each other through all of that.”

“Yeah. You’re right, I think.”

Kade continued. “And just the fact that I made a new friend was worth almost getting eaten by a dinosaur.”

Kade paused for a moment, hoping that he hadn’t just put his foot in his own mouth.

In actual fact, Kade didn’t have any friends. The closest thing he had to a friend was his mom’s best friend’s son Jorley, but the kid was a dick and Kade usually felt a weight had lifted when it was time for him to go home. Outside of the home, Kade was pretty much a pariah at school. Oddly enough, his peers had opted to make him captain of the junior Up team, likely due to his undeniable abilities as a striker and contributions to placing his team on the high end of the leaderboard, but none of the expected glory that came along with such a position found its way to him. Girls stayed away from him, his teammates avoided him like Kallon’s Plague and even his teachers paid him no attention beyond the desk that he sat at in the back corner of his classroom. Outside of his time on the field, Kade was no more interesting to anyone than wallpaper.

He was a half-living ghost.

Kade recalled one particular day in class, back in his fourth year, when he walked into his home room to find that all the other students had moved their desks away from his so that his was a dot in the center of a circle, like some kind of ritualistic symbol. As it turned out, the act was not one of veneration or respect; quite the opposite. This became obvious when Kade approached his desk to find the word freak scrawled across his desk with permanent ink. He remembered walking past his classmates as they eyed him warily, as if he harbored some disease. They didn’t laugh, didn’t move…just stared. Knowing nothing else, Kade sat down at his desk and decided to own it. As he sat solemnly, staring at the empty chalkboard, he began to feel the weight of the eyes on him. After several minutes of silence and staring, he broke and began to sob.

“Why do you all hate me?” He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Kade couldn’t recall what happened next. A flash of light, maybe? Some amount of time passed and all Kade could remember was bodies filing frantically out of the room, glancing back at him as if to confirm what they were seeing was real. After several minutes of being alone, the teacher, arriving late, walked in to find a single student in his desk, surrounded by a circle of empty ones. Though the tears had long dried up, the words were still fresh and as scathing as ever. The teacher looked upon the scene aghast.

“Oh dear.” Was all she could say.

After that moment, Kade decided not to live his life depressed because of the way others treated him and he resolved to be independent from there on. His mother would ask him from time to time why he never brought friends home and he would simply tell her that he had none. Instead, he would go and play in the woods, with the animals who understood him. Seeing the way nature worked taught Kade that humans were flawed–that they made things too complicated. Nature was like a well-oiled machine with many moving parts that all worked in sync. Cren were still barely-evolved monkeys playing around in the dark, destroying every other thing they touched. It was this revelation that led Kade to become interested in making mechs and, at the precocious age of six, Kade ordered his first subscription to Mech Mania and it was all history after that. Yet, given his previous experiences at Falkner’s, Kade wasn’t sure if he was even good with animals anymore.

They just seemed to try to kill him now.

Brian’s voice broke Kade out of his gloomy reminiscing.

“Right? Our gain, his loss I say. I don’t know about you but I know I would taste absolutely delicious.” 

Kade smiled. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so… accepted. Sure, his mother loved him but that was what moms were supposed to do. And that aside, his mom was almost always busy with her pro bono work that she took on, after her practice had been derailed when the economy took a dive in Hollow. But this was different–Brian was different. In the very short time that Kade had gotten to know him, they had already gone through so much together. There was a kind of kindred spirit there that he couldn’t recall ever having felt.

His arms already wrapped around Brian’s midsection for support, Kade ever-so-gently squeezed his friend to let him know he was there and that his kindness was not overlooked. He rested his head against Brian’s back and watched the scenery race by. The vibrations of the machine began to blend in with the homogeneous landscape and he felt his eyes grow heavy.

***

He came to in front of a dying fire, a hint of familiarity about the place. He looked around, a cool breeze blowing in his face.

A campsite.

He was sitting on a log staring into a smoldering fire pit and there were silhouettes in sleeping bags around it, fast asleep. The shadows made them indiscernible but he counted four in total.

He had been to the place before, but where?

He looked at the figure nearest him, smaller than the rest, maybe a child. He wanted to get up and ask them where they were but he felt so tired, so sedentary, and his mind was a fog. His legs didn’t respond and he was left with no choice but to watch the burning embers as they sizzled themselves away to nothing. The orange ebb pulsated in his brain, drawing him into a kind of hypnotic state. His eyelids began to grow heavy, followed by the rest of his body. He desperately wanted to stay and get answers but he also felt an equally strong compulsion to leave. All of it meant nothing to him; all he could do was feel. He felt his body begin to drift away from the fire, away from the sleeping figures and backwards into time. Backwards and backwards until he found himself falling off the log and…

Kade woke up as Brian dismounted the bike. Kade yelped as he tumble over and off the seat, landing on a grassy shoulder. He groaned and rubbed his rear, looking around confused. Brian turned at the sound and laughed at the sight of his disgruntled friend.

“Get some shuteye, did you? Probably not the safest idea when on the back of a bike. But better here than on the road, I suppose.”

Brian offered a hand and hoisted Kade to his feet. Kade looked around at the twilight landscape. The sun had long past set and the stars twinkled merrily in the night sky. Brian had pulled over on the side of the freeway, nothing but road and forest in sight.

“Where are we? How long was I out for?” Kade asked.

Brian shuffled onto his back, sliding under the motorcycle as he examined the bottom of the machine.

“We’re about a hundred counts northeast of Symphonia. It’s only about an hour’s drive, but it’s a really long trip on foot.”

“On foot? What do you mean?”

Brian coughed and pulled himself out from under his bike. He wiped a drop of brown liquid off his cheek, leaving a stain on his skin.

“I must have hit a rock or something. The reactor housing is cracked and it’s leaking coolant. The system went into auto-shutdown so the core didn’t get damaged. Double-edged sword with these newfangled gadgets: hard as hell to break but that’s ’cause they won’t let you. Which, in the end, makes them unusable and as good as broken anyhow.”

Kade made a face. “Sounds like quality engineering.”

Brian rolled his eyes and began to crouch down under the bike again. “Tell me about it.”

The bike began to shake back and forth and Brian scuttled away in surprise, jumping up to his feet beside Kade.

“Is it gonna blow? I thought you said it shut down?” Kade stammered.

“It did. I…at least I thought…”

The saddle box on the side of the bike popped open and a small head with a disheveled yellow cap looked around. His eyes met the two pairs of other stunned eyes looking back at him and he glowered.

“About bloody time. Gods! When was the last time you cleaned that storage container? I’ve smelled fish cellars more appealing than that.”

Scrubby let himself down onto the pavement, adjusting his shirtsleeves.

“How on Rynn did you get in there without us seeing you?” Kade asked, his heart still racing.

“Uh….gnome, remember? That’s what we do–get around without being seen. If we didn’t then all the humans would know where all of the gnome cities were. Drossk, you’re not the most observational human, are you?”

Brian frowned, crossing his arms.

“I see you brought your crappy attitude with you. Could’ve left that back on the beach. And speaking of: thanks for your help back there, by the way.”

The gnome raised an eyebrow. “Why? What happened on the beach?” He looked at Kade. “Did something happen on the beach?”

“Are you for real? Does Brian almost getting drowned by a demon horse ring any bells?”

Now it was Scrubby’s turn to look indignant. “Oh. That. You can’t honestly say I didn’t warn you. About seven times, to be exact. Maybe the next time you want to play rodeo with a demon fey you’ll think twice, no?”

Kade opened his mouth to retort but Brian stayed him with a hand on shoulder. “Just leave it, Kade. There’s no reasoning with cowards, in my experience. Let him believe whatever he wants.”

Scrubby’s face flushed. “Coward? Who are you calling a coward? How does vouchsafing one’s life by getting out of harm’s way constitute cowardice? You practically asked for trouble with that thing. What could I have even done to help, if I stayed?”

“It’s not about that. It’s about being there when you’re needed. Friends don’t leave friends behind.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that one before.” Scrubby muttered under his breath. “Besides, it was made quite clear to me,” Scrubby eyed Kade, “that we are not friends, in any way, shape or form. So why, then, would I help someone who is so disinclined to invest in me?”

“You’re right, Scrubby, we aren’t friends. Maybe, if you clean up your act one day, that could be a discussion. But what is a fact–right now–is that you are my charge. And as far as I understand the term, that means you are supposed to serve me. Not leave me to die.”

“But what was I supposed to do?! It was a bloody horse monster! Do you want me to offer myself up as food as a distraction the next time we run into a monster on your careless forays? Is that what you want? Because if that is the case, why don’t you just kill me now, because that would be more humane than drawing it out and adding in all that drama.”

Brian sighed. “I don’t want to kill you, and I don’t want you to die for me. If you want to serve your time, then I need you by my side, thick or thin.”

“Why?” the gnome snapped.

Brian balled his fists and rounded on Scrubby harshly. “Because anything is better than leaving!”

Scrubby and Kade both stared wide-eyed and speechless at Brian’s sudden outburst. Brian caught himself and seemed to make a conscious effort to form words but they didn’t come. Instead, he wiped his face with his hands and turned to his bike, disengaging the kickstand and wheeled it manually onto the highway as he pushed it along by the handlebars.

“What…just happened?” Scrubby whispered to Kade.

“I’m…not sure. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Something tells me he’s mad at more than just me running away on the beach.”

Kade turned and looked at the gnome. “Drossk, you’re not the most observational gnome, are you?”

***

“So you’re telling me, you made me come kaldars away from home, just to get stuck in the middle of nowhere, all because of a stupid human contraption that won’t work?”

The boys looked from the irate gnome to each other, rolling their eyes and mouthing silent curse words. It had been nonstop complaining the last forty-five minutes and the two of them were nearly at wit’s end.

“I thought you said that we would have a place to sleep and food to eat. Do you realize that I haven’t eaten for almost a day! And all because you two decided to play a stupid game!” The gnome whined.

“Well you’re more than welcome to turn around and march back into the jail cell if that would suit you better.” Brian said, coolly as he continued to push the bike along the road, the others following alongside.

“And neither of us has eaten for days,” Brian continued, “and I’m pretty sure Kade here has a broken arm so I’m kind of prioritizing that at the moment. Besides, you are more than apt to make a bed and catch yourself a crab or whatever it is you things eat, so why don’t you quit complaining and just make the best of your situation. Or would you rather I let you go and deal with whatever hungry animals are out there, and you can bitch to them all you want?”

Kade looked at Brian in astonishment. He hadn’t seen Brian get worked up over anything, but it seemed that the gnome had a way of getting under his skin.

“And what makes you think I can’t deal with hungry animals? I did live in a forest, you know.” Scrubby said in a bitter tone.

Brian made a dismissive gesture at the gnome. “Have fun.”

“If we leave now we might be able to get to town by the morning.” Brian said to Kade who stood looking at Scrubby blankly.

The gnome stood in the middle of the road, pouting like a child who didn’t get what he wanted. Scrubby implored Kade with a questioning look but the boy simply shrugged his shoulders and turned to follow Brian. Scrubby watched as the two of them walked off into the distance, under the light of the full moon.

He stood shivering on the shoulder as the wind whistled past. He could smell the ocean in it, even though the sea was leaves away. A snapping sound came from the darkness nearby, like a twig being broken. He spun towards the sound and stared down the embankment into the dark forest.

“What…who’s there?”

Even with his exceptional night vision, Scrubby couldn’t make out anything moving in the darkness. Probably just a marmot or a large toad.

He turned and saw the shapes of the boys plodding on down the road, gaining distance. He didn’t really need them though. They were humans, after all. What good could two mere boys and a gnome do together? It was preposterous to think that he needed them. If anything it would be the reverse; the forest was his element and nothing knew it better than his kind. Well, there were the elves of course. And now that he thought about it, gnomenfolken and yan didn’t exactly get along. Was this their territory? He couldn’t recall the boundaries offhand. There were too many of them. Too many bloody types of elves. Could they be the ones stalking him?

Another snap of a twig, closer this time. Scrubby yelped and backed away from the shoulder. He saw something move in the shadows, not too far down the embankment, close to the tree line. Something was stalking him—he could feel it. Yes, he was his own gnome… but the humans at least helped him stay alive to be that gnome. He yelled after the boys, racing to catch up.

The two moved on sluggishly, tired from the wear of the evening and the events of the day. Kade sagged his head as he slumped along like a zombie. Brian nodded off every so often and jerked his head up in alert when he caught himself doing so. His arms and back burned from the strain of leaning against the bike and he sorely wished someone would come along, perhaps lost or on a random joyride and offer them a hike. At least the night had been quiet and peaceful, which was a welcome change from all of the chaos back at the gym. At least, the night was quiet until the piercing sound of the gnome’s cries brought the boys back into their stark reality.

“There you two are! I thought I lost you back there!” Scrubby panted, stopping and catching his breath.

“I wish you did.” Brian muttered under his breath.

Kade turned his head groggily and saw his small AWOL traveling companion coming towards them.

“I’ve decided that I don’t want to be your slave anymore but I’ll come along with you anyway because you might need my help. And I should probably mention…”

The gnome carried on behind them. Brian groaned.

“Just ignore him. He’s got nothing better to do.”

Kade nodded and turned away as Scrubby drawled on.

“I mean, sure you may have saved me once, but it’s nothing that I…”

Scrubby stopped suddenly. Kade glanced back over his shoulder and saw the gnome staring off into the sky. Kade shrugged it off and continued plodding onward until the absence of Scrubby’s usual griping finally gave Kade pause.

“I think something is wrong with him.”

“Probably found someone else to bother.” Brian muttered.

“No, I don’t think so. He’s just staring off into space, like he’s in a trance or something.”

Brian stopped and turned back to see a small gnome silhouette frozen in the middle of the road, transfixed at something above. Brian sighed.

“What is it?” he called out.

The gnome didn’t respond.

“Should we go check him out?” Kade asked.

Brian considered the thought then turned away.

“Nah. Leave him. Probably just saw a deer or something.”

The gnome remained standing, grasped by some wondrous sight. Kade’s intrigue got the better of him and he walked made his way over. Brian groaned and put the kickstand down on his bike, easing it onto the shoulder. When Kade was close enough to see Scrubby, the moonlight revealed a wide-eyed, terrified expression on his face.

“What is it?” Kade asked. “What do you see?”

The gnome raised a trembling arm and pointed at the sky. The two looked up to where the gnome pointed. The moons—Kort and Lema—out in their full force, cast a white haze over the three of them. Brian came up and his gaze followed Scrubby’s finger.

“So what? They’re just full moons. They sync up from time to time. Nothing special there.”

He turned to walk away but Kade grabbed his arm. “No, Brian look. Scrubby’s right. Look there: Lema, left of center.”

Brian looked to where Kade directed and then he saw it. In the center of the larger moon there was a small pinpoint of color that had begun to spread across its face like an entangling mist.

“That’s not an eclipse. What is that? Is it… leaking?” Brian said, dumbfounded.

Scrubby shook as he spoke. “No. It’s bleeding.”

***

They continued to walk under the matte of red that had been suddenly draped over the world, glancing upwards over their shoulders intermittently as if to verify what they were seeing was real. Kade held his arm as he walked, grimacing with every step that he took. Scrubby trailed behind them, twiddling his fingers in angst, his shoulders hunched as if shying from the ominous pall that the moons cast down on them.

Suddenly, Kade fell to his knees, groaning and gripping his arm. His vision went cloudy as the images around him dissipated into white light. After a time, his vision cleared and the silhouettes of four figures appeared looming above him. They seemed familiar, somehow. They were speaking in muffled tones, as if they were impossibly far away. Kade could only make out snippets of what they were saying.

“…too far away. Can’t sustain…”

“…this spell, there must be another. One that…keep him alive…”

“….not strong enough… how to help… need more hands…”

The muffles faded to blurred tones to murmurs to silence, and then the white gave way to black.

Kade gasped as the world of colour and pain raced back into him. He blinked and he was back on the freeway, Brian kneeling over him with a hand on his shoulder.

“Kade, can you hear me? You wandered off there for a moment, buddy. Are you okay?” He asked.

Kade shook his head, a tear streaming down his face. “It hurts too much. I can barely stand it.”

Brian nodded and stood up. He frowned as he looked around but he could see nothing past the shoulder of the road in the dark of the night.

Brian turned to his injured comrade, helping him off the ground. “If you can just walk for a couple more hours then we’ll be at the city and…”

A loud screech cut Brian off and the boys turned to the sound just in time to see a large black dog run out of the darkness and snatch Scrubby up in its jaws by his shirt collar. The gnome shrieked, screaming for help as the animal ran across the highway, disappearing into the dark bushes lining the edges of the road.

“What in Rynn was that?” Kade screamed.

“A wolf, maybe? They’re everywhere out here. I’m sure a gnome would make a sizable meal for one of them. ”

“We have to help him!”

Kade stood up, wincing at the pain.

“Are you okay to go?” Brian asked.

“Yeah. Don’t…don’t worry about me. Come on, we have to find him before the trail goes cold.”

The boys took off full speed after the dog, following the sounds of the gnome’s cries. They ran off the highway and into the bush, emerging onto a path that appeared out of nowhere. Brian took the lead, twigs smacking him in the face as he pushed through the shrubs in his way. Kade followed close behind, struggling against the pain of his arm. As they wound through the moonlight maze they could hear growling growing closer. The sound of Scrubby whining echoed through the night.

“He’s killing him!” Kade shouted.

Brian burst through a hedge into blaring light, covering his face from the assault on his eyes. He blinked several times and realized he was staring into a sensor light fastened to the underside of a small pan-abode, casting an overexposed glare across the grass of what appeared to be a back yard. It appeared that a portion of the perimeter had been clear-cut of trees and Brian could see the makings of a gravel driveway trailing off into the woods. Brian heard a growl and followed it around to the side of the house. When he came around he saw Scrubby, cornered and quivering against a small stairwell, a large black dog growling at him as if to dare him to move. The dog turned at the sound of Brian and bared its teeth in rage.

“Whoa, easy there boy!” Brian said, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

The dog barked and made a move toward him. There was a clamber from inside the house and a fat man in an undershirt and unbuttoned overalls bumbled out onto the porch, slamming open the screen door. His hairy stomach bulged out from under his too-small shirt and he had a stubble that looked like it had gotten into a fight with a razor. He belched into the night air, placing his can of beer down on the railing as he leaned over it, looking down at the dog.

“Sheila! What in the shit are…”

He stopped when he saw Brian standing there illuminated, looking just as surprised as he was.

“What the…who the hell are you?” The fat man asked, surprised.

He reached inside his doorway and pulled out a shotgun. He cocked it and aimed it at Brian.

Brian put up his hands and Kade ran up to his side, panting. Kade saw the gun and put his hands up too.

“What in the name of nowhere do you two think you are doing trespassin’ on my property?” He waved the gun around to signify his land.

“Your furry friend there took something from us, back on the road, then it ran off.” Brian said, staying calm.

The fat man looked at the dog. “Sheila? Nah, she’d never steal anything from no one. She’s as sweet as a lamb that one.”

The dog lay down in the dirt and stared at the boys, its tongue lolling as if it hadn’t just been threatening to tear out their throats.

“Now, you’re obviously up ta something, and I wanna know what that somethin’ is, otherwise you may not walk outta here with heads.” He cocked the gun again.

Brian and Kade exchanged worried glances. The dog currently distracted, Scrubby began to inch along the wall, attempting an escape. He stepped on a twig and the dog turned and began to bark at him. The fat man glanced down and saw the gnome.

“What in the…”

Scrubby shrieked and took off at full speed. Sheila ran after him, barking.

“Varmint!” the fat man yelled.

He raised his gun and shot at Scrubby as he ran, stray buckshot spraying up gravel on the drive. The gnome yelped and veered about as he made toward the treeline, the dog in hot pursuit. He ran into a bush and out of site, Sheila disappearing after him, her barking fading in the distance. The fat man cocked his gun and rested the butt against the ground, holding the barrel.

“Damn squirrels. Crafty little buggers.” He said, staring off into the trees.

He looked back to the two boys who were still crouched down, holding their ears.

“Now I want an explanation for all of this and I want it now. I was in the middle of my soap…er, television show, and you better have a damn good reason that I had to get off my lazy ass and come all the way over here.” He spoke with a strange yokel accent that reminded Brian of some of the reality shows that his aunt used to watch.

“Our ride broke down on the way to the city and we had to walk the rest of the way. If you don’t believe me you can go back that way and you’ll find my bike parked…”

The fat man cut Brian off. “Wait a measle. If you were headin’ to the city then why in Endabarron are you all the way out here?”

Kade groaned and bent over as he winced in pain, holding his arm. He swayed back and forth, visibly struggling to stay conscious.

The fat man raised his eyebrows and pointed his weapon at Kade. “What’s wrong with him? He don’t got no…disease do he? Tell me that squirrel didn’t bite ‘im…”

Brian scowled at the man. “Will you put that thing away already? No one was bit by anything. That wasn’t even a…ah, never mind. My friend is hurt. He was kicked in the arm by a mon…by a horse. And he fell on it before that, so he’s hurting pretty bad.”

The fat man leered at them from behind the sights as the clockwork ticked. Finally, he harrumphed and put the gun back down against the rail.

“Well, don’t just stand there like a pair of erections; bring the boy inside and lemme have a goose.”

Brian exchanged wry glances with Kade and, deciding they had no better option, entered through the screen door which the man held open like the gentleman he clearly was not.

***

“Take off ‘yer coat.” The man motioned behind them but try as he may, Kade could not make out a coat rack.

Beyond the man’s apparent disdain for the sanitary, he also appeared to be something of a hoarder, which was evident by the heaps of junk stacked around his living room. Among that pile, Kade had no idea where he was supposed to hang his jacket.

Kade held his coat in his hands, looking around awkwardly. “Um…I don’t know…”

“On the chesterfield there is fine.”

Kade draped his jacket over the seat and turned to the stranger.

The fat man stuck the nozzle of his gun—which he had refused to relinquish—against Kade’s arm, lifting Kade’s sleeve up so he could take a look. Kade could feel cold metal on his skin, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Kade exchanged uncomfortable looks with Brian who just shook his head.

“Is that really necessary?” Brian asked.

“Can never be too sure with these sorts of things. If it’s contagious, better no ta make direct contact.”

Kade felt the nozzle gently prod against his injured shoulder and he bit his lip to hold back a scream of pain. He clenched his eyes closed and breathed through his nose. The muzzle of the gun pushed up his sleeve, revealing a deep purple bruise climbing all the way up to his shoulder.

“I already told you, it’s not a bite. His arm is broken.”

“You don’t say.”

He lowered the gun and both Kade and Brian let out a long sigh of relief, hyper aware that the man had a tad of a trigger finger. And bad aim.

“I suggest you take that to a hospital, pronto.” The man said.  “Otherwise yer arm might fall off.”

Kade looked like he was going to faint. Brian helped him down onto the chesterfield.

“Thanks for the encouraging words but that doesn’t help us much; we were already on our way to the hospital. We’d probably almost be there by now but my bike, it…”

“Wait.” The fat man interjected. “Did you say bike? As in motorbike?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, but it’s…”

“What kind of bike?” the fat man asked, suddenly interested.

Brian frowned, clearly agitated at the waste of time. “It’s a Sandstorm, six speed, actuated concurrent power, you know—ACP—that kind of thing. What does that have to do with anything? He needs your help!”

The fat man stroked his double chin, looking at Brian as if he were trying to picture the bike in his head.

“You two want a ride to town? I have a truck.”

Brian’s face lit up. “Really? You’d help us out?”

Kade tried to look up but it hurt too much to move and he just remained huddled up on the sofa.

“Sure. But you should know that my truck ain’t all prettified like your fancy-pants bike there. My ride still runs on old-fashioned. It ain’t cheap to fill those puppies up, nope. I’d say from here to the city… that’d cost you a down payment on a house I reckon, yes sir.”

Brian frowned. “I don’t have anything to pay you with, and I don’t think he does either.”

“No? Hmm. That’s too bad. Well…” The fat man stretched, his gut poking out intrusively. “I guess you two are gonna have to find your own way there then. Seein’ as rides ain’t free.”

He left the room and Brian heard a door open. There was a whistle which reverberated to the outside. Moments later Sheila ran into the hall, panting and wagging her tail.

“Come on.” He said, shooing her into the house as she glanced over at the strangers sitting in her master’s living room.

She cocked her head curiously then made her way unapologetically over to Brian. Brian stroked the dog’s fur and Sheila panted happily. Despite their turbulent introduction, all seemed to have been forgiven on the dog’s part.

“As much as Sheila seems to have taken a likin’ to ya,” The fat man said as Brian stroked the dog’s fur, “Unfortunately my show’s over and it’s bedtime for yours truly. On that note, I bid you a sincere goodnight gentlemen.”

***

The screen door closed in their face and Brian found himself looking over at his crippled friend, his mind racing.

“Wait.” Brian shouted before the man could close the inner door. The fat man turned around and leaned his head out from behind the door, batting his eyelashes theatrically.

“Yeeeeees?” He said, politely.

Brian’s face flushed as he felt his temper rising. Clearly, the man knew Brian would give in. He had hoped that the man wouldn’t stoop so low but… a life was worth more than any one thing. Even if that thing was his favorite thing that he owned.

“If I…If I give you my bike, will you take us to town?” He sighed.

The fat man flung the gate open. “Ah, ye noticed I was a bit of a collector did ya? Well, let me tell ya boy,” he paused to take a guzzle from a can of beer. “Now you are speakin’ my language.”

He belched loudly into the air.

***

The garage door creaked noisily as it opened along its rusted tracts. The stale smell of cigarettes and must wafted past the three of them and the boys plugged their noses.

“Hooee! Smells like a dead critter’n here!” the man bellowed.

The fat man walked into the garage, stepping over a spare tire and other junk that he had collected over the years. The sliding door creaked above him and one set of rollers snapped, one edge of the door toppling down above them, striking the fat man in the skull with a hollow twang. He buckled over and yelped, rubbing his head and cursing loudly.

“Yeah, watch that on yer way in.” He said, grouchily.

The boys ducked under the lopsided door as they followed the man into the garage. A large object sat in the center of the pile of a junk, draped with a faded canvas sheet. The man pulled the sheet off and dust flew everywhere, causing a coughing fit between them. When the air cleared the fat man stood akimbo, staring at the vehicle proudly.

“Here’s my baby!” He said.

“What a hunk of junk.” Brian said with about as much excitement as one watching a parliamentary proceedings.

Kade nodded, holding his arm.

“Yep, she’s an ancient lady by all rights, but a queen of queens, just the same. You won’t see these on the roads anymore, I’ll tell you that much.”

“That’s because…their illegal.” Brian added.

The fat man waved the comment away. “Bah, whadda them city folk know about anything? Wouldn’t know a boutique if it struck ’em in the street. ‘sides, there’s more cancer in that them city water than anything comin’ out of Matilda’s hoo-hole, anyhow.”

“Somehow I doubt that.” Brian muttered.

“And who says ‘hoo-hole’?” Brian whispered to Kade.

He walked over to the driver side and unlocked the door. He sat in the seat and stuck the key in the ignition. He turned the key and the engine stuttered. He tried again but it wouldn’t turn over. He stuck his head out the window and laughed.

“Don’t make ’em like they used to.”

He tried again, and again, followed by two more minutes of trying but the engine just wouldn’t start. Brian sighed as he leaned against a shelf full of more useless hodgepodge than one cren could possibly collect in a lifetime. As the fat man continued to try and get the truck running, Kade suddenly had a thought. He tugged on Brian’s sleeve.

“Hey! We forgot about Scrubby.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve got that part covered.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry.” He whispered. “Look under the porch there.”

Kade didn’t see anything at first but, as his eyes focused, he saw something move in the shadows by the front steps. Scrubby stuck his head out from between the supports of the porch, looking side to side anxiously. Kade smiled and opened his mouth to speak but there was a large thunk behind them and the engine of the truck finally turned over.

“Yeeha! We’re in business boys!” The man hollered.

The fat man put the truck in gear and drove forward, plowing through the heap of junk blocking the entrance, Kade and Brian stumbling backwards to avoid being pummeled by the avalanche of junk that came tumbling down around them. The truck pulled around in front and the driver leaned out the window, resting his fat, hairy arm on the ledge.

“Well are you boys getting’ in or what? I don’t have all night! I need my beauty sleep you know.”

They ran around to the passenger side and Brian let Kade get in first. While Kade buckled up, Brian sneaked around to the box of the truck and motioned at Scrubby who was watching them from his hiding place under the porch. The gnome looked side to side once more and, deciding the path was clear, bolted for the truck. Brian got in the passenger side and shut the door behind him. He buckled up and glanced in the cracked side mirror to see Scrubby hop into the box and disappear from site. He grinned and nudged Kade, giving him a thumbs up.

They pulled out of the lot and took the truck around through a back path that was laid with some kind of mulch. Eventually they came to a path that had overgrown with brambles and the fat man plowed through more overgrowth until they eventually came to a cleared portion and, eventually, the road proper. Brian glanced into the side mirror, looking back to where they had come from. He wondered how the fat man lived in such isolation without ever having to go on supply runs which, based on the condition of the road leading into his property, he rarely, if ever, did.

Brian directed him to the motorcycle and they pulled onto the shoulder. Brian helped him load the machine into the bed of the truck, relieved to find that Scrubby had disappeared from sight. All that was in the back of the truck were some large industrial cables, a box full of dirty cleaning supplies and a lawnmower covered with a dirty blanket. Brian scratched his head, wondering where the gnome had gone off to.

“Hey! Are you gonna just sit there and watch me break my ass?” The fat man hollered.

Brian hopped up into the truck and helped strap down the bike. When it was secure they closed the tailgate and got back in. Back in the truck, Kade had begun to sweat and had fallen into a sleep. Brian worried about him.

“Haven’t been to the city in a long time, if my memory serves me right.” The fat man said, sometime later, on the road. He sipped on a can of beer. “If I remember, it’s only a small town—only a couple thousand or so.”

He went over a bump and the beer splashed onto his face and chest, the man cursing.

“See—that’s the real reason they tell ya not to drink and drive: easier to spill your beer.”

He wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt, the truck swerving slightly. Brian yelped, reaching over and grabbing the wheel as he straightened out. The fat man nodded at Brian who cast him an annoyed look. The man glanced down at Kade who had slumped over against Brian’s shoulder.

“Wonder if they even have a doctor?” The man said between slurps of his drink.

Brian turned and stared out the window, the night air blowing onto his face as it sailed past them. He hadn’t even thought about that part. He hadn’t ever needed to see a doctor when he was in town, at least not that he could remember, so it wasn’t something that had even crossed his mind. Falkner’s had its own professional medical division in-house so most injuries could be tended to on site. Anything serious and they were usually heli-ported out to the bigger cities. But didn’t every town have a doctor? In the least they’d have one of those med-eval stations on the streets like in the city. Wouldn’t they? Brian felt the heavy weight of anxiety descend on him at the thought of going all that way and pawning his beloved bike–for nothing.

“They better.” He said.